Sunday, May 26, 2013

Vrestling Bears

DISCLAIMER:

Last time we saw our hero Trent? He was being constantly accusing of being a caped crusader, walking down the ring wearing a hood to attack opponents to benefit himself... What happened with that? Let's just say Err... Have you heard those twitter reports about the EBWF HOF returning? Let's pretend to be him...

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EBWF doesn't have a Hall of Fame you say? Okay! Hawkins did it!

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That has been done, you say? Well, what do you want from me? Do you remember Scotty Goldman? Sometimes wrestling goes down the flush, and things just don't happen... But for the sake of continuity... Braden Walker did it... Let's face it, after being constantly Attacked, Trent? would only fall victim of the attack of a clearly superior, stronger superstars... What? didn't you see him putting his hands on his waist after laying Trent? out? That's got to be Braden Walker! Anyway, with that out of my chest...

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The scene opened up at Trent?'s locker room, you could easily tell it was his locker room due to the massive amount of NES cartridges scattered along the floor. Our hero sat comfortably over his couch, holding an envelope on his hands... He sighed a little as he gazed upon it. Trent?, was ready for his match... Wait, was he? He leaned back, letting the envelope fall from his hand as he closed his eyes and let out a big sigh.

Trent?: What am I supposed to do...?

"About this...?"

Trent opened his eyes to see the man who helped him have his break into Wrestling, Dr. Tom Prichard. The former WWE head trainer stood before Trent?, with the envelope on his hands. He slowly opened the envelope to pull Trent's doubts out. It turns out Trent? had received a red piece of paper with the NJPW logo, where he was invited to be part of the "Best of the Super Jr." tournament in Japan. Trent? had never wrestled in Japan, but wrestlers he looked up to like Chris Jericho and Wes Ikeda had wrestled all over the globe, he figured out  if he was ever to match or surpass their careers, he had to go... Right? Truth be told, with King of the Ring just around the corner... Going to Japan did not sound like such a good idea.

Dr. Tom Prichard: New Japan Pro Wrestling? ... mizu ni nagasu (Let everything Flow).
Trent?: Back atcha...

Dr. Tom Prichard: I meant, you need to let everything flow like water... NJPW is always a nice experience, but you can't just leave your post here at EBWF? Don't your comrades need you with all that Shield dudes running around?

Trent?: Kinda, yeah... I've been too busy trying to figure out what to do.

Dr. Tom Prichard: I think you shouldn't leave when you're at the top of the wave here at EBWF... See? Guys who you have had matches over the past couple of months are in the main event right now... Don't you feel you belong along them?

Trent?: You think? I've been here for almost three years and...

Dr. Tom Prichard: shi no ue ni san nen... (Three years on top of a rock. Which means It takes a long time sitting on a stone before it becomes warm. Results only come with hard work). Trent? I wanted to drop by and thank you for proving everyone who had ever stood in our way they were wrong. Those guys at other places you worked didn't value you enough, and as a result... You don't value yourself either. The King of The Ring Tournament, the most important tournament in the continent is about to start, and for the first time in the three years you've been here... You are not a dark horse. Everyone around you has seen what you are able to do... Everyone is waiting for you to bring your A-game to the tournament, you shouldn't even be thinking about Japan... Well, unless you're thinking about your japanese opponent...

Trent?: Is he Japanese?

Dr. Tom Prichard: Eh, I think he isn't really Japanese, his facial hair and piercings seem awfully familiar....

Trent?: Prince Albert?

Dr. Tom Prichard: Holy sh*t Trent? Why do you bring up a penis piercing (Wikipedia, NSWF illustration) to this conversation?

Trent shrugged.

Trent?: Anyway, do you think that guy is just playing Japanese to fool us all?

Dr. Tom Prichard: Yes... I think that would be a good idea... I mean, he is always yelling out nonsense,  and those tattoos on his face are intimidating.

Trent?: I thought that was Teriyaki sauce... Anyway, don't let me drift away from the topic at hand... Intimidation eh? I'll be back in a second...

Trent rushed into through a janitor door and returned wearing a thick, huge drip-drap moustache and a fluffy hat over his head.

Trent?: Lord Tensai!!!! I am Trentinov Question-Markov and I hail fRRRom MotheRR RRRRushaaaa! I am going to bRRRReak you, like emeRRRRicans broke aRRRR sacRRRRed Vall to bRRing Coca-Cola, McDonald's and miseRRRy to our comRRRades!!! I vil beat you because I am a real RRUSHAN!!!!!

Trent posed menacingly for the camera and Dr. Tom Prichard.

Trent?: I am tougheRRR than Collossus! I am indestRRRuctible!

Trent?: But I am also as agile, as intelligent and quick as RRRevolveRRR Ocelot! I vil take you down vithout you even noticing Tovarishch(Comrade in Russian)!



Trent?: I do not fear your heaviness, I do not fear your bad tempeRRRR, I do not fear you're bigger than me for I have vrestled wilder and hairier beasts than you! My Tovarisch don't call me little Zangief for nothing! 



Trent?: Have you seen Tensai? Ve all know he shaves and nairs his back! But we all know he is really hair, big, and tubby! Like bears! Like those russhan bears I've beaten bears senseless vith my impressive gobstopper kicks! I've kneed their lights out vith the Gameshark!

Dr. Tom Prichard: Pst... Pst...

Trent?: VATH! Don't you dare interrupt  Trentinoff!

Dr. Tom Prichard: It's just that "Gobbstopper" and "Gameshark" aren't very Russian names for your techniques...

Trent?: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Stereotypical Russian laughter). I use those names for emeRRRicans to understand, but Gobbstopper is known in the mother land as the "Super mighty Gorvachov Knee strike!" Did you know I kneed Gorvachov and that was the origin of the spot on his head? 


Also, emeRRRicans see my knee pads and who do they see?

Dr. Tom Prichard: Bill Murr...

Trent?: WRONG!!!!! I carry the father of Communism, Lenin on my knee pads! As a sign of how Communism is going to knock your teeth out of your mouth!




Trent?: As for the "Gameshark" It is known in my country as the "Mother Russian Vodka Bottle" because you end knocked out after you have one! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Tensai! I am ready for you! My fists... My fists are like heavy, strong hammers like those we used in the Russian Revolution! My knees... My knees are like dentist excavators, ready to scratch your teeth and gums and make you cry!




Dr. Tom Prichard: Don't you mean Sickles?

Trent?: Wait? Aren't the thingies in the Russian communist sign Hammers and dental excavators?

Dr. Tom Prichard: Nope...

Trent?: Alright, then! I will beat you up with the russian mighty golden ninja star! I'm pretty sure I can use it to my advantage?

Dr. Tom Prichard: Trent... I believe ninja stars aren't russian.

Trent?: ROLL CREDITS!

The scene fades to red, the color of comunism.

DISCLAIMER: No Communists or Russians were hurt in the making of this scene. Also, Trent? deeply apologizes to the russian people for his lack of knowledge about history, geography and in general everything that doesn't involves wrestling.

DISCLAIMER 2: Trent? loves AJ.

DISCLAIMER 3: Curt Hawkins sucks.