…The beams of sunlight make their way through the blinds hitting my closed eyes. A groan escapes my lips as I wonder what's fairly obvious: Is it already time to wake up? After tangling with my sheets for a good 15 minutes I am finally able to get both feet on the cold floor.
As I pace towards the bathroom, I gaze at my bare feet "If mom was around, she'd tell me to wear socks or sandals…". Suddenly I find myself standing before my reflection in the mirror in nothing but shorts. I got the typical 80s wrestler hairstyle I guess… And muttonchops. I'm definitely not the biggest man on the roster… When I first got into the business, I didn't put a lot of thought on my looks. Hey, Dusty Rhodes was a fatso and he was huge, right? Wrong. Apparently the way you look heavily influences the everyone around you perceives you.
How does the world perceive me, you ask? In a world where everyone is always hailing the Goldbergs, Rybacks, Triple H, being an avid comic book reader, a hardcore gamer and an anime enthusiast sounds rather atypical. And by atypical I mean my sole presence berates bigger, stronger men gifted with bigger frames… And don't even get me started on how they feel about my success.
In a world where exogenous testosterone, promiscuity and substance abuse are manly feats… Where blood lineage and nepotism are quintessential to tell who will be the next big star… A geeky, small, young man from Mount Sinai, New York would would be on a clear disadvantage.
I've been doing this since I was Sixteen… And every time someone asks about the "tale of the tape", I tend to start with "Man, I was probably the wimpiest kid EVER…".
I was fifteen when I got into wrestling… I can't say I did a lot of road tripping, I can't say I slept in cars or wrestled for sandwiches… Instead, I have to say my mom drove me to practice every weekend.
Wrestling is supposedly about jocks, big, buff, muscled guys… When you think "Professional Wrestler" or "Superstar" Can you picture me, stepping out of my mom's mini van?
Don't lie.
The rest is history.
You know about my undefeated streak, about my run ins with bullies, about Curt Hawkins. You have been there, watching me grow. You have witnessed how every obstacle has shaped me into the man I am today.
I don't believe in revenge… Thinking about revenge ends up chaining you emotionally to the person you want to get back at, making it impossible for you to move on. So on Monday night, when I face Cody Rhodes, revenge would be the last thing on my mind.
I used to think Cody Rhodes sealed my miserable destiny with a headbutt during our last match up. Ever since I fell to his dirty tactics, I felt a fire burn inside me every time I thought about meeting with him in a ring again… I longed for the moment… I thrived on knocking his teeth down his throat with a gobbstopper, as if that would change everything.
Now not only I am aware it wouldn't change a thing… I think, In the end things worked better for me than for him. Sure, Cody went on to become King of the Ring and World Champion afterwards… But how long did it last? How many more championships has Cody Rhodes captured ever since? Has he ever been on top of the mountain ever since? No, and no.
I, on the other hand… Learnt something from Cody Rhodes, which allowed me to move forward, become stronger and earn the respect of the EBWF Roster. I went on from being a joke to be in line for a World Title shot… Not many guys have the honor to haunt Randy Orton's dreams, I can tell you that.
Wait a minute… Wasn't wrestling a business where you had to be a walking boulder or have a famous last name? I guess I have successfully taken those so called "weaknesses" and made them an advantage… Hey, gimme a break, at least I have killer abs now and a hot Bride to marry.
You could say I have only begun taking EBWF by storm with my sexy nerdiness.
EBWF.net Exclusive.
Oh God! Renee Young time! Clad in a lovely Pink dress, the EBWF new interviewing sensation looked ready to go. Next to her, carrying his Money in the Bank briefcase, wearing his vintage Dudebusters T-shirt, a cap tilted backwards and denim pants was our hero, the young Trent?.
Renee Young: Trent? How do you feel about your upcoming match against Cody Rhodes?
Trent?: Renee, let me tell you… I have been waiting for this match for sooooooo long!
Renee Young: I was about to ask you that… You and Cody seem to have met in the past.
Trent?: Yeah, the past… There's nothing very useful in the past… Unless you have a DeLorean. Let me cut you there and tell you I have been waiting for this match, but not exactly because of what happened between Cody and I at King of the Ring… Roll Footage.
Renee Young: Sorry, we don't have any footage ready…
Trent?: Alright… Barry, roll footage of the new Ninja Sex Party video.
Renee Young: Barry?
Trent?: Isn't he the one who edits these videos?
Renee shook her head.
Trent?: I've watched too many Game Grumps lately… Anyway, what I am trying to say is… Beating Cody Rhodes tonight will show that I have indeed learnt my lesson after our previous encounter, and that I have -Contrary to popular belief- acquired at least an ounce or two of maturity…
Trent? leaned in to whisper, still audibly for the camera and fans at home.
Trent?: Maturity is measured in ounces, right…? You know what? Don't answer that.
Renee Young: Trent? What about Daniel Bryan, aren't you worried about him getting involved in your match?
Trent?: As unstable as good old baphomet is, I've had bigger, more unstable people trying to sneak up on me. As a matter of fact, guys like Bully Ray, like Ted DiBiase sneaked up on me before my match against Cody last time… This time I'm sure they would have a bit of trouble, with the Big O watching my back and all…
Renee Young: I thought you said you didn't need his protection.
Trent?: I don't. But he's a friend, and he wants to help.
Renee Young: Cody has looked really good since returning to EBWF, aren't you a little worried?
Trent? shook his head… He knew what was wrong with Cody Rhodes, and he would take a swipe just to see his reaction when they met in the ring.
Trent?: I heard he's having an existential dilemma regarding the obesity and ugly genes wreaking havoc in his gene pool? I heard he's convinced himself into delusion, dropping that mask he used to hide his hideous, horrendous face… I mean, that guy with the tentacles in Pirates of the Caribbean looked better than him… Let me return the question, Renee… Why should I be worried?
Renee Young: Well, Cody…
Trent?: Cody might smear my Abe Lincoln knee pad with his foundation after I knee him across the face? I can always piledrive him onto the canvas, it is much more fun and disfiguring… Wouldn't Cody like that? I'll give him a free trip to the plastic surgeon, so he can enhance his chin, get a boob job or whatever he sees fit… Renee, don't let me drift away! You still haven't answered my question… Why should I worry about Cody Rhodes…
Renee Young: He had some great showings against John Cen…
Trent?: Oh yeah… If by great showings you mean 'Pulling a Ken Anderson' he is a Slammy Award winner in my eye. I wasn't aware he recently wrestled John Cena… You know, I don't like watching ugly people on television… Did he win?
Renee slightly shook her head.
Trent?: D'aww… I'd figure John Cena would no show after watching Cody's UGLY BUTT FACE.
Now he was sounding like his fiancee, apparently.
Trent?: But… I guess it happens. You win some… You lose some… You said John Cena? Superman Cena? The guy I happen to have beaten not ONCE but TWICE? Cleanly? With no dirty tricks?
Renee Young nodded her head.
Trent?: Yeah, I was just wondering… You know, too many cheat codes impair my capabilities to remind some details… Yeah… Cody Beat me a year ago… And he wen't on to… Win the Rumble?…. No I don't think so... Headline WrestleMania? No… Oh yeah… ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. On the other hand...
Trent? raised his custom Iron Man briefcase containing his Money in the Bank contract.
Trent?: I got this… Tonight I get to show what I am made of against a banal, superfluous, deluded man who thought he would conquer the mountain when he knocked me out, but instead he gave me the push that I needed… Tonight I will enjoy BRUSHING his face against the canvas… There won't be enough Wallgreen's to cover up that banged up face… Tonight I will not only show that I am far superior than Cody, I will demonstrate that the only recognition he is able to get is at freak shows… Barry! Put a compilation of hideous monsters on screen now!
Renee Young: His name is not Barry…
Trent? shrugged and began walking out of the camera frame.
Trent?: Just do it…
The scene faded to black.