Z! True long Island Story - PPV Edition!

The logo for “Z! True Long Island Story” appeared on screen and seconds later, Zack Ryder was seen standing in his apartment.

Zack Ryder: Welcome everyone to episode 68 of Z! True Long Island Story. I am your host, the Internet Champion... and one half of the EBWF Tag Team Champions... the Long Island Iced Z, Zack Ryder! This week’s show is a pay-per-view special; in honor of Death Before Dishonor, I’m going to take a look at death... and dishonor.

The show cut to a clip of Zack’s dad putting flowers on John Morrison’s grave as the hashtag #RIPJoMo flashed on the bottom of the screen.

Zack Ryder: Whilst my dad still grieves over John Morrison’s tragic limousine explosion, I’m mourning another loss; Trent Barreta and I losing to Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger was more tragic than everything that happened to JoMo in that limo! Losing that match was a dishonor, and Trent and I will do everything we can to become men of honor once more. Because Ziggler and Swagger beat us once, they think they’re going to be the next Tag Champions. Are you serious bro? The EBWF Tag Team Titles belong to BarRyder, and that’s the way it’s going to stay.



The show cut to a clip of Ryder and Barreta sharing a hotel room - in separate beds, before you get the wrong idea. Both superstars were sleeping with their championship belts next to them. Suddenly, Chiappetta was seen creeping into the room. As Chiappetta got near Ryder’s belts, a load roar was heard. Chiappetta scarpered as The Big O stepped out of the shadows.

Zack Ryder: After everything Dolph Ziggler have been through, I can’t believe he claimed that my efforts to “make myself relevant” are nothing more than an experiment. Have you seen my title, bro? It wasn’t an experiment, it was a success! While you’ve been getting squashed by the Funkasaurus, I’ve been main eventing Warfare and wrestling in pay-per-view matches. You can knock my YouTube show all you want Dolph, but since you’ve put together a webshow of your own, I know you’re jealous of me. You know it too; I mean sure, you stole Princess Leia and my HDMI cable from me, but Princess Leia came crawling back and Trent bought me a new cable for my birthday! So right now Dolph, I have everything and you have nothing... nothing except for one victory over Trent and me. And believe me when I tell you Dolph, one is all you’re getting!

The show cut to a clip of Zack Ryder standing outside Dolph Ziggler’s locker room. Ryder spray-painted the word “MARK” onto the door in purple, then ran away.

Zack Ryder: I don’t have much history with Jack Swagger but he’s teaming with Ziggler, which according to my lawyer makes him guilty by association. Now Swagger thinks the Ryder Revolution is a problem he can stamp out; he’s not a fan of the Trent Takeoff either. I had a spare five minutes earlier, so I watched Jack going around Oklahoma dealing with the so-called “problems” caused by people looking up to Trent and I. I was impressed by Jack’s commitment to solving what he thinks his a problem, but I think he missed the point. The really problem you face Jack is while there are Broskis and Trentheads lining up around the world to follow in the footsteps of BarRyder, there isn’t anyone on this planet that wants to be like you. After seeing what you did in Oklahoma, I asked the people of Long Island what they thought of you. Here’s what my fellow Long Islanders had to say...








The show cut to various clips of Ryder speaking to his friends and family.



Zack Ryder’s Dad: Jack Swagger? Psh. He’s just a fat Kurt Angle.


The Big O: You think you’re a tough guy Swagger? Have you seen The Big O? I could snap you in two with my little finger... get out of my O-Zone!

Chiappetta: I mean, sure Jack Swagger was a World Champion, but no one remembers that. They just remember the Swagger Soaring Eagle...

Zack Ryder: Swagger, when you’re doing pushups, I’m doing fistpumps. When you’re beating your chest, I’m beating my fellow EBWF superstars. And when you’re pissing Budweiser, I’m endorsing Bud Light Lime!

Ryder held up a bottle of Bud Light Lime and grinned into the camera. The video cut to static before Soundgarden’s “Live to Rise” began to play. A logo with the words “ASK THE FACE” appeared on the screen with a Z in the background and as the logo faded, Zack Ryder was seen standing next to his broski and fellow Tag Team Champion, Trent Barreta. Trent looked back at the spot where the Z slowly faded out and smiled into the camera, seeming rather impressed.

Trent Barreta: Whoa dude! When am I gonna get my kick ass own logo?

Zack Ryder: I’ll make some calls bro; see what I can do.

Trent Barreta: Looking forward to it bro, let’s do this thang!

Zack Ryder: Woo woo woo! Okay broskis, this is a new addition to Z! True Long Island Story and is in no way associated with Dolph Ziggler. This segment is called “Ask The Face” and in it, Trenty and I will answer some of the questions you’ve sent to us on Twitter. Trent, would you like to answer the first question?

Trent Barreta: It would be an honor Zack... Our first question was from @BarRyderFanGurl1, she asked this...

The video faded to footage of the tweet sent by @BarRyderFanGurl1 so the viewers could read it. At the same time, Trent’s voice read the tweet on the background.

Trent Barreta: What is the best part of being an EBWF Tag Team Champion? 

The video cut back to Zack and Trent, Trent smiled again.

Trent Barreta: The best thing of being EBWF Tag Team Champ has to be getting cheered week after week by Trentheads and Ryder Revolutionaries week in and week out, did I say it right? Ryder Revolutionaries? 

Zack Ryder: You know it, bro! 

Trent Barreta: Sure the suites, interviews, first class trips are a plus... But the fact we get to interact with you guys, the fact we keep your asses glued to the seat every Monday night... That’s the best damn thing of being an EBWF Tag Team Champ, a title we’re not planning to drop until... Say Duke Nukem V comes out... Zack, do you want to answer one now?

Zack Ryder: My pleasure. Our next question comes from @HEELJake695...

Question: Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger have beaten you guys once already. Do you really think you can win at Death Before Dishonor?

Zack Ryder: Well Jake, I learned everything I need to know about you from the first four letters of your Twitter username. You spell it H-E-E-L, I read it M-A-R-K. Yes, Ziggler and Swagger beat Trent and I on Warfare, earning themselves a Tag Title shot. It was a big win for Dolph and Jack, but do I think Trent and I can beat them? One hundred percent, yes... I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t. Jake, the first step to success is believing in yourself. Trent and I have believed in ourselves since before anyone else did and now we’re the EBWF Tag Team Champions. There is no better feeling than being a champion, so Trent and I will fight Ziggler and Swagger tooth and nail to keep the Tag Titles. And despite what you think, Jake, the only outcome I see at Death Before Dishonour is Trent and I walking out of the Honda Center with the gold still around our waists. Your turn, Trent.

Trent Barreta: Alright, our next question was asked by @UltimateSwag...

Question: I am really hoping you two get beaten up for the belts at DBD...

Trent Barreta: What the hell? That’s not even a question! It is also a blatant and utter lie! I’ll read another one. Alright, @EBWFNessa10 wants to know...

Question: Is Jack Swagger really such an American? Are you guys intimidated by his pissing Bud and headbutting eagles?

Trent Barreta: Nessa I’m glad you asked this! If Jack Swagger positively pitheth budweither he thould go thee a doctor about it, and have him check that lithp while heth at it!! As far as headbutting eagles I know a man that really has a problem with that... Please welcome someone who really cares about Birds and is NOT a member of Greenpeace or PETA... 70s super hero and part time lawyer... Birdman.

A frozen picture of Birdman appeared next to Trent and Zack, his lips where the only part of the image with actual movement.

Birdman: I am glad you have me on your shows... From hero to heros, there’s something I have to tell you! Come Sunday you will have the opportunity to thwart evil. Don’t let them bully you because they are bigger and more muscled! In the end, the good guys always win! Consider this a friendly advice from a fellow superhero... BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRDMAN!!!!!

Trent turned his head towards Zack Ryder, who had a puzzled expression on his face due to the appearance of a cartoon probably seen by his dad.

Trent Barreta: Bottom line kiddies, don’t headbutt Eagles! Do we have time for another couple of questions Zack?

Zack Ryder: I have a question for you, Trent... from @Zack Ryder. Is there a superhero you don’t know?

Trent Barreta: Oh. My. God! The REAL Zack Ryder tweeted me? That is SOOOOO going on my twitter right now.

Trent reached out for his cellphone, swipping his finger across the screen a couple of times.

Trent Barreta: Surprisingly I am not very big on DC Comics’ superheroes, AJ calls me a fanboy!

He raised his look from the screen to Zack.

Trent Barreta: What does that have to do with anything? Here’s a question from @RoughRyder89

Question: You’re a lot into comic books/superheroes, are there any comic book character you could you relate Swagger and Ziggler to?

Trent Barreta: Well, Dolph’s chin is always reminding me of Popeye... and Poor Jack Swagger will always be Bucky, hiding behind other Real American Heroes’ shadow... Angle, Cena and even Captain AmeriZack, standing by my side. Vickie Guerrero reminds me of slimmer from Ghostbusters, though. Your turn Broski!

Zack Ryder: Thanks Trent! Hopefully I can move the conversation away from comic books. Our next question is from @GetZacked666.

Question: Zack, how does Trent Barreta compare to your former tag team partners, such as Curt Hawkins and Primo?

Zack Ryder: Great question! Well GetZacked, it goes without saying that with Trent being one of my best broskis, I have a blast teaming with him. How does he compare to Hawkins and Primo? Hawkins was like a brother to me at one point; we were like Edge and Christian! But he’s turned his back on me now and made his bed with Tyler Reks. Curt and I had a great run but that tag team is part of my past and I’m okay with that. As for Primo, we had fun but we didn’t team for long enough to have any real success. Trent and I haven’t teamed for long either, but we’ve already been successful! It’s a sign of things to come and mark my words, broskis... BarRyder will go down in history as one of the greatest tag teams the EBWF has ever witnessed.

Trent Barreta: Alright, we would love to stay here all day and answer your questions... But in favor of time saving allow me to present a quick run of answers to the most common questions we got on our twitter feeds... To start off: Yes, we are confident we will beat Swagger and Ziggler at Death Before Dishonor. Yes, we are currently working on a masterpiece finishing move to completely dominate every opponent that steps in our way. Yes, I like @EBWFAJLee, a lot. Yes I am really pissed and I want to kick Bully Ray’s ass for his twitter rants. Finally, yes I do think Swagger and Ziggler are indeed an item, trying to hide it with Vickie Managing them.

Trent was about to close, but his phone chimed on his pocket. He pulled it out and read it’s screen.

Trent Barreta: Alright, this just in. Coming from @JuanCRamirez17 and it is apparently a question... “on Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2: How do you get past the robots in the NYC levels?”.
Alright bro... What you need to do first is assemble a team good enough to get the best team bonuses the game offers... If you had already grabbed the gamma regulators and the asgardian runes then you already have Thor and Hulk, which means you can use the avengers team to quickly dispose of those enemies... Then...

Zack Ryder: ...Then you turn off your X-Box, go outside, get some sunlight and realise there’s more to life than video games. Am I right, Trent?

Trent Barreta: Are you serious, bro?

Trent glared at a smirking Zack as the video went static and the show returned to its usual format.  The scene slowly turned to a camera phone pointed straight into Trent’s face. He waved a little, speaking in a soft voice.

Trent Barreta: Internauts, I salute you! Zack and I arrived earlier today to California, and let me tell you... It’s lovely over here! Sunny weather, bikini chicks marking out for you, it doesn’t get any better... Zack fell asleep, so I figured he could use some ‘me’ help on this week’s show... I’m actually using his phone to record this, hoping he sees is and decides it is good enough to add it to his Internet show... I’m going out for a small walk, talk to the people around... Human contact, the last frontier? Zack, when you edit this, put Ric Flair’s music after I mentioned human contact, please?

The scene abruptly changed to a local street, right in front of a ticket master store where EBWF fans picked their tickets to the upcoming EBWF Death Before Dishonor which was taking place at the Honda Center... Trent was apparently walking with the phone on his hand taping the long line that circled around the block. He spotted a group of people in pink T-shirts and decided to approach them slowly... He stopped and turned the camera towards his face.

Trent Barreta: Naaaah, I’m not as good as CM Punk is ranting against marks, nor I want to risk Zack’s phone...

The scene changed again abruptly to Trent walking along a sidewalk, shooting the local small buildings around him... He focused on an ARCADE and rushed towards it. Somewhere along the way Trent allowed the phone to sleep from his hand and fall to the floor with a thud.

Trent Barreta: Shit!


The scene turned to black before it displayed Zack Ryder, holding the camera phone aimed at him.

Zack Ryder: My phone has a scratch.

Trent Barreta: Yeah, you probably dropped it while you were asleep... Let me play Angry Birds please?

Trent snatched the phone and the scene faded to black again, Trent was sitting on his bed, Zack still was sleeping behind him.

Trent Barreta: Roddy Piper was one of the biggest men in our industry in his prime. Do you know why did he never win a World Title? Because he was a heel... So, I've been trying to understand where Ziggler is going along with this whole heel thing... If he knew history he would have probably realized by now he is not going anywhere pointing at his ass as he comes out to wrestle and self claiming to be a heel. They stunned us last week... But you know what they say: It doesn't matter how well you do on online multiplayer Betas... After all, there are no achievements or trophies in betas, only the real thing counts. So if they want to brag and show off about a fluke of a victory they got by using dirty tactics I can already spoil the match for the whole EBWF universe and say Zack and I will win the match and continue on our roll as the EBWF Tag Team Champions! And two blonde peroxide wrestling jocks from varsity and huge ass mouths aren't going to stop us! Last week we came out to deliver a message to them... We are never going to use their dirty tactics to get a victory over them, but we can intimidate them and up our game... Not only we are bringing over our friend the Big O to ensure that we all play by the rules, we are also currently working on a new and SSSSSSIIIIIIIICKKKKK finishing move.

Trenty mouthing out the word SICK out loud caused Zack to snore a bit in his sleep.

Trent Barreta: Sorry about that, so yeah... Sick. Zack and I are double champs, we work better than Mario and Luigi on the ring and happen to have a guy more menacingly big than Haggar from Final Fight on our side... We brought our muscle into the equation... and you will most likely be bringing... Menopause? into the equation? Really? Wasn't there anyone else to make you look tougher? So you plan on bringing your mom to wipe your boogers and comb your hair... Seriosly, what is with Swagger and is Richie Rich haircut? Also, does Vickie braid Ziggler's hair? I don't even want to go there... I don't want to mess with no heels, and after we clash you will realize beating Zack and I is harder than going through Ghost 'n Goblins without being damaged once... I can't wait until Zack and I hit that ring and nail you both with our ultra super gut busting new move... SHAZAM!!!!!!

Trent's yelp caused Zack to groan louder.

Zack Ryder: I'm trying to sleep bro!!!!!

Trent Barreta: Trenton out.

The scene faded to black, credits rolled and the video ended.